The Power of Fear

Believing anything is possible is not easy when a man is plagued with fear. He sees more of these things that are the embodiment of Impossibilities. He thinks negativities and he dreamsthinks negativities and he dreams known of unknown dangers all the time. Even if no one is pursuing him, this man is always on the run.

Fear operates always afar, away from the light. Fear is a coward needing the mind of a man to operates. It cannot stand on its own without going through human being. Instead of a whole man to think of a solution to his problems, he is compelled to focus on fear and fear and fear until he is left with no chance of coming out of his issues.

Just as there is power in faith, likewise, there’s power in fear . And until a man’s wholeheartedly prepared to confront his so-called demon known as fear,  he is not going to step into glory.

Think of many redundant talents and it is not surprising that these are wasted after having permitted fear to dominate and overtake.

The Power Grip On Your Inner Man

Sometimes ago, I met a guy via online dating. Briefly, we’d exchanged few chats, emails and that was that. He seemed to be a “nice” guy in any woman’s interpretation but deep down within me I was not contented. I felt no attachment whatsoever. Upon his constant pressures, I took his phone contact and promised to ring him up when I got to London. Well…to cut the story short, I did not call him while in London. Instead I texted him and texted him and texted him. Of course, he replied and he never failed to ask about meeting me. Soon, he (by himself) found me on Whatsapp. Somehow and coupled with the fact that I did not develop any inner likening for this guy, I was convinced he was “not available”. And I’d guessed right because with time he gave himself up.

Here’s what happened…  After a month, I woke up with that determination to get through this once and for all. I decided to meet him. I texted him giving him a date even though I was flexible knowing we both work. This was when Mr LoverBoy gave himself away. He began by giving me his occupied days; Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays are not (as he put it) not free for him. As a mother, I knew Sundays are family days, Wednesdays and fridays are custody days when one of the parents or guardians look after the child(ren). As the rest of the days, he gave other excuses as well. Only one day he offered to me meet me in the NIGHT! Imagine a first date on a night with a total stranger! Ladies, please make a run for it! Trust me, I turned down this date. Then it occurred to me that all along Mr LoverBoy used to text me during daytime and not night-time. I laughed through these revelations and to be honest, I was grateful I never precipitated to meet him, which is what I advised in my book.

You do not connect with someone when the chemistry is not there. You cannot force it and even when you do, there comes a time, a brief period of it, after meeting this person that you are going to discover that the whole business had been nothing but pure mistake. The more you tried to hang on to it wanting to make it work, irrespective of the consistent red light, the more you realise that you are on the track to self destruction. It is wrong to force yourself to like someone simply because you do not want to make them feel bad or sad. The moment you enter a relationship based on the need to satisfy the other person, then you have lost the power grip on your inner man. There ought to be a balance otherwise that connection is unwholesome. Out of the ordinary comes the power of esprit de corps, which requires nurturing that must continually evolve.

The question you ought to ask yourself supposed to be, ‘What am I doing here?’ Of course, there is no point hanging onto someone who is not compatible with you. This you do at your own risk, at the detriment of your being and you have to get to that period in your life that you must learn to be frank with yourself.

What is it about relationship? Why engage in one after all? What are you hoping to get out of it? The value of good relationship depicts itself progressively without you needing to make judgement of it. Through your instinct, you know that you know that you know that this bond is just what you need. The terrific vibrations that come with it cannot be overlook. Like every other, a good relationship requires hard work but it neither frustrate you nor drag you to the corner into self-pity. You do not have to endlessly keep on thinking of giving up or calculating how much you’ve sacrificed. Also there is no need waiting for anyone to come and rescue you from it because this good relationship is so great and beautiful that you have no need of any one coming to drag you out of it.

The whole idea of being with someone is defined based on what both of you contribute into it and the friendship, which emerges from this togetherness.

The vessel of our being demands the freedom to love and be loved in return. Getting to that stage of being under constraint and continuous constraint at all time in any relationship shows that something is amiss. Unhealthy relationship is unproductive, unsteady and contains tons of poisonous energies.

It is best for a man or a woman to be alone than to be trapped in it. Looking at our contemporary society where every one is in a hurry daily to get done the chores, to achieve the goals and to be the best among their peers, the psychological effect of being trapped in unhealthy relationship can be very devastating.

I was on a commuter bus to Tottenham Court Road when I texted Mr LoverBoy to bide him farewell. I had nothing to lose and I thought it’s best he gets it that, in life we do not derive pleasure from taking others for granted because, the truth is, it doesn’t worth it.

 

 

Attachment or Detachment?

Investigating different forms of Domestic Violence comes with lots of challenges and one of these is unconsciously creating emotional bond with the victims of abuse or the topic itself. Literally, a researcher neither chose his research topic out of external pressures nor financial interests. His uppermost reason ought to be based on personal interest although this does not necessarily have to be what he’d experienced in person. It is not surprising notably most researchers abandoning their research topics along the way due to disinterest. They’d lost the exordial ardour, imperceptibly embraced supineness on the subject matter and ultimately renounced all attempts to furtherance.

Since the objective focuses not merely on the aspect of physical abuses and its subsequent implications, researching Domestic Violence (DV) can be abstruse. Researching Rape is a vivid exemplification. The hurdles become apparent as the researcher finds himself, sometimes face-to-face with the victims of rape or their perpetrators. Coming into close contact with the former is often where lies the difficulties especially for female researchers. Here, there are two different worlds — the recipient (female investigator) and the contributor (female victim{s}) in the course of direct interviews, and observational study. How the female researcher conclusively and accurately measures the information she’d retrieved depends often on her ratiocination.

However it is not uncommon for the female investigator losing guard and letting go of that rigid ‘analytical’ mindset so that she can wholeheartedly be predisposed to showing empathy.

As a researcher, detaching myself emotionally from the interviewees deprive garnering accurate, relevant  information. When we detach ourselves from other people’s feeling, we lose humaneness and dive into the tunnel of narcissism. Antithetically, while drawing close is altruistic, it can also be too dangerous to the extent of overstepping the agreeable boundary.

Then, how attached or detached must researchers get with their interviewees?

Authentic Completeness

Self-pity won’t help me overcome my frailties. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I am interested in discarding them. My gladness comes from knowing my flaws are part of me and they’d somehow define my personality. Understanding this does favour how I am to fine-tune them to my positive usage.

Authentic completeness begins from within — the inner man. His mind. Once his mind is organised and regulated, he has the capacity to live on with hope. In the past, I was reduced to worthlessness and my capacity to love, myself and others, was very low. But I discovered that discussing my weaknesses, openly, unsettles the ineffectualness.

Secrecy means occult: Obscurity, lifeless and dominating. We cover up our flaws because we are ashamed. We fear reactions from outside. Our thoughts are, what would people think?, Are my colleagues going to respect me if they discover me this way?, No one will care about me once they find out about my drinking addiction, no one will this, no one will that, et cetera.

Until you wait to see and discover other people’s imperfections, you will always have this inclination towards the false assumption that yours are the worst. However, the funniest aspect of this comes from knowing that people won’ share theirs with you. This means both of you — these folks and you — are surveying each other. None wants to open up for fear of being ridicule, or reproaches and self-guilt.

Therefore, you coming out in the limelight to acknowledge your true self and accept your frailties is a step to unbelievable achievement.

I like my life now. i learn to laugh a lot even when alone. I try as much as possible to avoid over reasoning in all situations. Most importantly, I have stopped living for tomorrow. I live for now. This is not to say I don’t want to see tomorrow but it has become much more better taking one step at a time. That prevents me from worrying about what’s going to happen to me next.

I feel complete each time I step out onto the new day. It all started when I develop an intimate friendship with myself. Loving myself, confessing aloud and accepting my imperfections free me, totally.  It is part of the process of learning to be a wholehearted person. Once the mind is authentically complete, it reflects to the outer man, which is the physical. On the other hand, if the inner man is broken, there won’t be any genuine plerophoria as a divine entity.

Choosing The Right Distributor: Smashwords vs Draft2Digital

Request to reblog this lovely post, David.

David Gaughran

swvd2dSince I started self-publishing in 2011, Smashwords has been the overwhelming favorite for savvy self-publishers who wanted or needed a distributor to reach non-Amazon e-bookstores. However, a new competitor called Draft2Digital launched a beta version of their service earlier this year and has been gaining popularity. In July, they hit 1,000 users, 10,000 titles, and 1,000,000 books sold.

I’ve been getting lots of questions about Draft2Digital, and experimenting with them myself, so I thought it was a good time for a side-by-side comparison as there are distinct pros and cons to each service. But before we get into that, let’s look at the question of whether you need to use a distributor at all.

The virtues of going direct

In my experience, it’s almost always advantageous to go direct where you can. Benefits include faster payments, up-to-date sales figures (crucial for measuring the effectiveness of any marketing), more direct control of…

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Author Solutions Takes Signing Scam To Miami Book Fair

Permission to reblog this to Moja Da’Silva

David Gaughran

authorhouse1Another day, another Author Solutions scam in my inbox. Remember the Author Solutions book signing scam planned for The Word on the Street Festival in Toronto next month (to which the organizers are turning a blind eye)?

I suspected that the Word on the Street Festival wasn’t the only literary event that Author Solutions would be targeting, given that Author Solutions made $297,000 from the 2012 Word on the Street Festival. I was right.

The Miami Book Fair is a long-established, reputable literary festival (celebrating its 30th year) which has wheeled in some big names for this year’s event, such as Junot Díaz. Unfortunately, the Miami Book Fair is also allowing a terrible scam to take place at one of its booths.

Author Solutions – and their various subsidiaries, including Palibrio, Trafford, iUniverse, Xlibris, and AuthorHouse – has emailed customers pimping a unique opportunity to get your book…

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