Sometimes ago, I met a guy via online dating. Briefly, we’d exchanged few chats, emails and that was that. He seemed to be a “nice” guy in any woman’s interpretation but deep down within me I was not contented. I felt no attachment whatsoever. Upon his constant pressures, I took his phone contact and promised to ring him up when I got to London. Well…to cut the story short, I did not call him while in London. Instead I texted him and texted him and texted him. Of course, he replied and he never failed to ask about meeting me. Soon, he (by himself) found me on Whatsapp. Somehow and coupled with the fact that I did not develop any inner likening for this guy, I was convinced he was “not available”. And I’d guessed right because with time he gave himself up.
Here’s what happened… After a month, I woke up with that determination to get through this once and for all. I decided to meet him. I texted him giving him a date even though I was flexible knowing we both work. This was when Mr LoverBoy gave himself away. He began by giving me his occupied days; Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays are not (as he put it) not free for him. As a mother, I knew Sundays are family days, Wednesdays and fridays are custody days when one of the parents or guardians look after the child(ren). As the rest of the days, he gave other excuses as well. Only one day he offered to me meet me in the NIGHT! Imagine a first date on a night with a total stranger! Ladies, please make a run for it! Trust me, I turned down this date. Then it occurred to me that all along Mr LoverBoy used to text me during daytime and not night-time. I laughed through these revelations and to be honest, I was grateful I never precipitated to meet him, which is what I advised in my book.
You do not connect with someone when the chemistry is not there. You cannot force it and even when you do, there comes a time, a brief period of it, after meeting this person that you are going to discover that the whole business had been nothing but pure mistake. The more you tried to hang on to it wanting to make it work, irrespective of the consistent red light, the more you realise that you are on the track to self destruction. It is wrong to force yourself to like someone simply because you do not want to make them feel bad or sad. The moment you enter a relationship based on the need to satisfy the other person, then you have lost the power grip on your inner man. There ought to be a balance otherwise that connection is unwholesome. Out of the ordinary comes the power of esprit de corps, which requires nurturing that must continually evolve.
The question you ought to ask yourself supposed to be, ‘What am I doing here?’ Of course, there is no point hanging onto someone who is not compatible with you. This you do at your own risk, at the detriment of your being and you have to get to that period in your life that you must learn to be frank with yourself.
What is it about relationship? Why engage in one after all? What are you hoping to get out of it? The value of good relationship depicts itself progressively without you needing to make judgement of it. Through your instinct, you know that you know that you know that this bond is just what you need. The terrific vibrations that come with it cannot be overlook. Like every other, a good relationship requires hard work but it neither frustrate you nor drag you to the corner into self-pity. You do not have to endlessly keep on thinking of giving up or calculating how much you’ve sacrificed. Also there is no need waiting for anyone to come and rescue you from it because this good relationship is so great and beautiful that you have no need of any one coming to drag you out of it.
The whole idea of being with someone is defined based on what both of you contribute into it and the friendship, which emerges from this togetherness.
The vessel of our being demands the freedom to love and be loved in return. Getting to that stage of being under constraint and continuous constraint at all time in any relationship shows that something is amiss. Unhealthy relationship is unproductive, unsteady and contains tons of poisonous energies.
It is best for a man or a woman to be alone than to be trapped in it. Looking at our contemporary society where every one is in a hurry daily to get done the chores, to achieve the goals and to be the best among their peers, the psychological effect of being trapped in unhealthy relationship can be very devastating.
I was on a commuter bus to Tottenham Court Road when I texted Mr LoverBoy to bide him farewell. I had nothing to lose and I thought it’s best he gets it that, in life we do not derive pleasure from taking others for granted because, the truth is, it doesn’t worth it.